Mile High Club
by LazyMasochistBoot
Summary: He's annoying, she's annoyed. Pent up tension and a cramped airplane bathroom can be mighty fun... Come join the Mile High Club. ONE-SHOT. Lemons, laughs, fun.


******YES, this was previously posted but was removed by FFnet as I can't say the word 'fuck' in the summary. Well FFnet...fuck, fuck, fuck. Anyways...it's back. **

**A/N: Hey guys I found this unfinished thing on my computer today and I decided to finish it today. I hope you guys like it. Y'know the drill: 100 reviews = continuation. Enjoy**

This fucker needs his ass kicked. This fucker must be fucking kidding me. This fucker is two seconds

from get the beat-down of his life. This fucker should get his head off my shoulder. ...This fucker is hot.

Ugh. This fucking guy has been falling asleep on me, snoring in my ear and drooling on me since the flight fucking started. I'm more than fucking annoyed.

I shrug my shoulder, shaking his stupid head off of me once again. "Huh?" he said, sitting straight up in his seat as I startle him awake. He turns to glare at me.

"What's your problem, why are you waking me up?"

"I didn't wake you up. You had your stupid fucking head on my shoulder." I whisper-yelled, trying not

to alarm the stewardesses.

"So what?" he said with a shrug as if it were nothing.

"So I don't know you and I don't like you and I don't want your head or any other part of you anywhere

near me!"

"Uh...miss, is there a problem?" a stewardess asked as she approached the fucker and me.

"Yes," the bastard spoke up. "I would like my seat moved. I cannot sit here with this woman next to me

for the next however many hours it takes to get to California."

"Sir," she smiled, "I've told you guys several times that we are 15,000 feet up in the air and there are

no other seats." The fucker narrows his eyes at me and I do the same back. "Now," the stewardess starts again, "how about some nice hot towels, huh?"

"How about no?" I respond with a wide smile that matches hers. She frowns at me and scuttles away, drawing the curtains to her little hut.

"So it's not just me you're a bitch to, huh?"

I raise my brows and look around. "Are you talking to me?" I ask fucker. "I'm almost positive you're not talking to me because I doubt you want your pretty face smashed in by my fist." I hiss.

"I'm so scared right now, really," he smirks at me, leaning in close.

"Yo, playboy, how about you get your Cheeto breath out of my face and keep your big head off my shoulder and fuck off for the rest of the flight, huh?"

He rolls his eyes. "Whatever." He turns away and in the reflection on the window, I see him check his breath. I laugh loudly, pulling out a book. He turns straight in his seat and pulls out his phone being that this airline allows use of it. He punches in a bunch of numbers.

"Yea? Hello?" he yells into the receiver, shoving his elbow onto my arm rest. He knocks my arm off and my book slips from my hand, closing.

"You made me lose my page, you dick!"

He holds up a hand in my face, telling me to shut up. "Yea, no, just some chick on the plane. What's up, buddy? Wait, huh? Speak up. I said SPEAK UP!" he says loudly right in my fucking ear.

"My fucking God, you ass!" I smack him in the arm hard.

"Is there a problem again, here?" the stewardess asks as she makes her way over to us once more.

"This asshat is yelling into the fucking phone!"

"The phone? There is no service at this current altitude," she says confusedly.

"Oh," fucker chuckles. "That probably explains why my friend wasn't responding to me. Thanks."

She grins at him as she turns to leave. "Have a nice flight."

"You did that specifically to get on my nerves!" I accuse.

He shrugs. "Maybe." He puts his phone away and I note the black screen.

"It wasn't even on, was it?"

"Nope," he informs, popping the 'p'.

"You are such an ass, I swear."

"You are such an ass, I swear."

"Are you mocking me?"

"Are you mocking me?"

"How old are you? Grow up!"

"How old are you? Grow up!"

"Ugh!" I groan, turning my back to his laughter and laying back, deciding to sleep away the annoyance I feel. Only _I'll_ know how to keep my fucking head to myself unlike some people.

**MHC**

I'm dreaming that I'm back home in California finally and my mom has made some disgusting cookies for my homecoming. Dad and I eat them with smiles on our faces and pretend that they're the best things we've ever tasted. She can tell we're lying but she grins anyway.

My parents bombard me with questions about what London was like and the things I saw. They say things like 'oh you even picked up an accent' and 'that London rain has made you ever paler' and 'oh Bells, I'm glad you're home, kid'. I grin and hug them tight.

It's a pretty cheesy dream but a good one all the same. I'm almost sad when it's over.

"Achoo!" I sneeze the very second I come back to the real world. I look up groggily and see fucker is flipping through a magazine beside me.

His shoulder is in my face.

Like right in my face.

"What the fuck is this?" I question.

"Oh, that would be you not following your own rules of boundaries."

"You put my head on your shoulder, sicko."

"I did not. You rolled over on me and unlike some people, I had the common courtesy to not knock you off."

"Fuck off,"I respond, noticing some people standing and stretching. I guess it's safe to walk around now. I unbuckle my seat belt and make my way to the bathroom, my sore joints popping along the way.

I do my business in the tiny cubby hole and then stand to wash my hands at the sink. As I reach for the soap, something in the mirror catches my eye. I look up and my eyes widen then narrow.

"Motherfucker!" I yell, stomping from the bathroom. I walk back to my seat and grab the fucker by his shirt. "Come here." I unbuckle his seat belt and snatch him from his seat, dragging him to the bathroom and closing the door. "What the fuck is on my face?"

He chokes out a laugh. "Looks like a penis."

"Why the fuck did you draw a penis on my face?" I exclaim, eying the drawing in the mirror. Black marker covers my face from lip to forehead. The words 'I' and 'love' are on my cheeks and a big penis is drawn across the middle of my face, the head ending right at my lips.

"You fell asleep on me, it was the least I could do," he shrugs. I knee him in the balls hard and smile when he groans and hunches over.

"And that was the least I could do, you ass."

I reach for the door handle but he grabs my hips and pins me to a wall, glaring at me and breathing hard with anger. "What are you gonna do, huh?" I taunt.

He pulls at his hair in frustration. "Why do you have to be such a bitch?"

"Why are you such an inconsiderate ass?"

"Fuck you."

"Fuck _you_."

We stand there, staring and glaring and panting at each other until he opens his stupid mouth again. "You want to have sex?" he asks me.

I don't respond because for a while I'm positive I heard him wrong. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Sex? You want to have it?" he asks again, speaking to me like I'm an idiot.

"Where the fuck did that come from?"

"I'm sensing some sexual tension," he shrugs and I laugh out loud. Where did the guy come from and is he serious?

"You sensed sexual tension? This is not sexual tension, this is regular tension because you're bugging the fuck out of me!"

He rolls his eyes and huffs at me before grabbing my neck and kissing me. I squeak and shove him back. "What the fuck!" I growl.

"Sexual tension," he repeats, waving a finger between the two of us then pointing to my lips. "You licked your lips."

"Yea. So?"

"You don't lick your lips after kissing a guy you hate, you lick your lips after having a pleasurable kiss," he reasons.

"Am I being Punk'd right now?" I look around.

"We're in a tiny bathroom, face to face, hip to hip and you're panting. Sexual tension," he sings.

"Shut up with that!" I yell though I look down and notice for the first time that our bodies are pressed quite close together. I lick my lips.

"You licked your-"

"I know what I did!" I interrupt. "Are you serious about this?" I ask and he notices that I'm cracking. Well he is hot and maybe if we just did it...we'd both feel better. He's probably being an ass because no girls ever dared to go near him in fear she might catch his asshole disease.

"Yep," he confirms, moving closer and cupping my neck again.

"Well, then I-" He doesn't even let me finish as he kisses me again, his lips moving against mine passionately. I moan against his mouth as his tongue navigates into my mouth and toys with mine. The man is good. I'll give him that.

He grips my hips and hoists me onto the sink. I take the opportunity to wrap my legs around him and grab his hair. I pull tightly, half in passion and half in punishment. Either way, he groans and pushes against me, his hardness meeting my center.

Again, I'm impressed. I reach for the button on his pants at the same time he reaches for mine and we move around each others hands to unbutton pants. I push his jeans down and they pool at his feet. I roll my eyes at his boxer briefs. Too good for boxers?

He shimmies my jeans from my hips and kicks them over by the toilet, stepping out of his pants. He snorts at my Spongebob bikini cut panties and snatches them from my body in one fluent movement. I gape at him.

"That's my favorite pair, you ass!" I reach forward and grip his briefs, unable to rip them, instead just managing to stretch the elastic out so one end is floppy on his skin. "Ha!" I gloat.

He just laughs and pushes them from his hips, tossing them into the growing pile of clothes. I lick my lips once more as I take in the sight of him big and hard and annoyingly good looking. He unbuttons my shirt as I ogle him and takes my breasts in his hands, fingering my erect nipples through the fabric of my bra. I arch into his hands and moan.

He pushes the straps off my shoulders and the chilly air hits me as I sit practically naked before this annoying stranger. His mouth latches onto my nipple, making all thoughts fly away. "My God," I hiss out as his teeth move over me. "Fuck." I close my eyes, my breath coming harsher as he sucks hard, moaning against my skin.

I fumble with the buttons on his shirt blindly before remembering my panties and ripping his shirt open. Buttons fly, clanging against the floor and I smirk as he huffs in anger. I hiccup a gasp as his finger moves against my most sensitive area, rubbing and rubbing at a blinding speed, making my hips jerk and gyrate unrhythmically. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," I mumble.

"Finally something that shuts you up," he mumbles, scooting me to the edge of the sink.

"Shut up," I groan as he slips a singer finger inside me. "Fuck yess," I hiss, grinding into his hand wantonly.

I run my hands down his muscled chest before I reach for his cock and find it, wrapping my hand around him and pumping him at the same speed his fingers move. "Ungh," he grunts out, his hips thrusting into my hand.

"Someone's eager," I mention. He responds by sliding his fingers deeper and speeding up his pace. "Oh my God..."

A bit of turbulence makes us both pause before continuing on. His breath tickles my ear as he whispers to me, withdrawing his fingers. "This is going to need to be quick." I whimper in agreement, removing my hand and sitting back, opening my legs.

He grabs his cock and lines himself up with me, before slamming into me. We both cry out at the feeling. "God, yes," he says in my ear. "You feel so fucking good," he informs, pulling back before entering me once more.

"Ungh!" I reach back and grip the sink with my hands. "Fuck me," I said in response to the feeling of him inside me but he takes my words quite literally and starts to really move.

He thrusts into me quickly and with an amazing force. His deep grunts fill the air with each thrust and the slapping sound of our joining skin creates a tingle in my stomach that makes me cry out with him. "So good. So fucking good," I moan in a breathy voice that sounds nothing like me.

"So tight," he compliments, biting my ear and wrapping his arms around my body, entering me at a new angle that feels even better than the last.

"Harder," I beg, squirming and desperate for the relief I know is soon coming.

"With pleasure," he smirks and in the next second I'm against the wall and he's hoisting me up, slamming into me roughly.

"Fuck yess," I yell. "Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me," I start to chant abandoning all restraint and sense.

"Feels so good. Your tight pussy around my cock, squeezing me," he grunts.

Fucker is a dirty talker.

I make some unintelligible sound in response. "Come," he commands, rubbing my clit quickly. "Let me feel that pussy come around me." His thrusts come quicker and harsher, making my back arch and my toes curl. I grip his back as I feel the first quiver of my orgasm take over.

"Come for me...on my cock," he gasps out. "Now." I look at his face all sweaty and screwed up with restraint as he waits for me and then I look down at his hips moving rapidly. My eyes find the place we meet and seeing him move in and out of me, that's my undoing.

I choke something out, squeezing my eyes closed tight as I come around him, feeling him twitch inside me as he follows. "Holy shit."

"Unghh," he garbles out as he comes, panting against my neck. We stay in that position for a while before he sits me on my feet again. "See? Sexual tension."

"Shut up," I say, still trying to catch my breath.

"Still not ready to admit you want me, huh?"

"I don't want you," I retort.

"So that sex...was that you not wanting me?" he asks, pushing hair off my shoulder and pressing a kiss to my collarbone.

My eyes close against my will and I sink back into him. "Maybe."

"Maybe..."

"Maybe you're slightly attractive."

He laughs against me. "I'll take it. Will you meet me in California?"

"Meet you?" I question.

"Yes. Names and formal introductions. Shall we have a redo of our first meeting?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe..."

"Maybe if you'll tell me why you're such an ass."

He chuckles and kisses my skin again. "You're sexy when you're angry."

I smack his arm. "You pissed me off because you thought it was sexy?"

"Well, falling asleep on you the first time was an accident but after that it was pretty much to see your reaction."

"Such an ass," I mumble though I feel like smiling. "I'll meet you in California."

"Good. I'll try not to be an ass."

"Good luck with that."

He kisses behind my ear before nudging me away. "We should get dressed."

I nod and reach for my clothes and his hand slaps my ass. "Ass," I reply, straightening up. I reach for tissue to clean myself up and see that the roll has been knocked into the toilet. "Fuck."

A knock on the door makes us both jump. We eyes each other a bit nervously before I open the door and peek out to see the stewardess there. "Um, yes?"

"How about that towel now?" she asks with a wink.

**A/N: Hey again. Some bits with the airplane phone usage might be in correct. I know some airlines do allow use of it but the whole 'no service' line might be debatable. **

**Anywho I hope you guys enjoyed it. I kind of rushed it. Leave a review and tell me what ya think. Thanks for reading. **

**~LazyMasochistBoot(Marie)**


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